We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
