Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why do cheetos always look like penises
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
