i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
