you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
