I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
