Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
