i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
