I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
