She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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