Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't make out with my wife yet
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
