Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
