I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this is an emotional support booty call
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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