You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
