apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize