She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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