i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
