____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
