is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
