My cat gives me a boner
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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