I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
