its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
