Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
