thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
