We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
