i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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