I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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