I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
