:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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