i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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