I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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