Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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