you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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