I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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