I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
