yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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