Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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