Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
