I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
