He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
