Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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