could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.