I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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