my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.