how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree