A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT