Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
