I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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