Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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