the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
