so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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