Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
