you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
