six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
false alarm, still single
Randomize