ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
