he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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