I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
