I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
