I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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