Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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