Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
