Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
