this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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